


you like the finer things all my money can buy

by megiaolf



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, capita£ester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 09:17:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13499032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megiaolf/pseuds/megiaolf
Summary: Dan wants to wear hoops, Phil wants Dan to wear hoops.





	you like the finer things all my money can buy

“I wouldn’t!” Phil sounds affronted.

“Sorry, what?” Dan turns his head slightly to the side.

“I wouldn’t pull it out!”

Dan gazes at him confusedly, waiting for him to elaborate. When Phil continues to pout and offers no explanation, he follows his gaze to the mac open on his lap. He was replying to people on twitter, letting them know he was alive and well, contemplating snazzy ear accessories.

They’d had a long day planning the routine of their show and Phil is exhausted. He’d wanted to crawl into bed and fall dead the moment they came home, but Dan’s brain had other plans.

He had been running on the excitement of the first day of tour planning. Everything was suddenly real and they were going to do it again. Travel the world together. Perform a show together. Feel the spotlight on their faces. Have thousands of people clapping for them.

As much he’d hated travelling the last time around, he missed touring. It had been one of the best experiences of his life and he couldn’t wait to do it all over again. 

He couldn’t stop his limbs from vibrating, so he’d carefully extricated himself from under Phil’s arms as not to wake him up, and relocated to the lounge.

He was just falling down a tumblr hole when Phil had made his appearance, rubbing his eyes and grumbling about being cold. He looked adorable in his cookie monster pajamas, even more so when he plonked himself down behind Dan and wrapped his arms around him like a koala. Dan had, with considerable difficulty, retrieved the spare duvet from the back of the couch and wrapped it around Phil, who protested sleepily at being jostled but accepted it with a grunt of thanks.

That had been about half an hour ago and Dan was sure Phil had fallen back asleep.

So he is very much surprised to hear Phil make strange defensive denials from behind him.

When Dan scans the screen of his mac to figure out what Phil is talking about, he notices the reply he’d just tweeted out in response to the suggestion of gold hoops. It referenced how he needed earrings that people with poor limb control wouldn’t pull out. It was meant to be a subtle dig at Phil. Apparently, he’d taken it to heart.

“Were you looking over my shoulder? Stalker alert.” Dan says.

“Are you seriously going to lecture me about stalking?” Phil asks indignantly.

“How long are you going to keep recycling that joke mate. It’s been ten years, let it go. Nothing you can do or say will make me regret it.”

Phil huffs.

“I wouldn’t though.” Phil insists. “I wouldn’t pull your hoops out. I’ll be careful.”

“I said poor limb control, Phil. You cannot control your limbs. That is the point. I do not want a repeat of the straightener incident, or the nail polish incident, or the…”

“...Fine. Fine, I get it. No need to list all of my lowest moments. You’d look so pretty though.” He pokes Dan’s earlobe dolefully.

“I do not want missing earlobes, Phil. I am too young and pretty to have missing earlobes.”

“Missing earlobes are not a symptom of old age, Dan.” He tells Dan very seriously.

“You’d know.” Dan mutters, a smirk on his lips.

“Shut up!” Phil abandons the earlobe poking for the old and tested dimple poking.

“Your mum.” Dan responds eloquently.

“I hate you.” He nuzzles into Dan’s cheek. “Hate you so much.”

“Yep, I can just feel the hatred radiating off of you right now.” Dan says.

“I think I told you you to shut up.” Phil runs his tongue along the outline of Dan’s right ear. Dan shudders and closes his eyes. Suddenly, the mood shifts and Dan finds it hard to breathe. Phil’s palm finds the skin of his stomach underneath his jumper and his other hand is in his hair, tilting his head away, baring his neck to Phil’s ministrations.

Phil sinks his teeth into the supple part of Dan’s earlobe and Dan’s eyes snap open. As distracting as it is, he has a point to prove right now. He deems it a teachable moment, ignores the voices that call him a moron and sits up straight, shrugging Phil off.

“See this is another reason why. Your weird biting kink. It’s just not ergonomic.”

“Hey! I thought this was a zero kinkshaming zone.”

“Not when your kink interferes with mine mate.”

“Your kink? Which one of your kinks? Be more specific.”

“Accessorising and achieving my ultimate gay emo normcore aesthetic, duh.”

“Christ Dan. That’s so pretentious. What does that even mean?”

“Hey! I do not shame you for your trysts with capitalist jewellery firms.”

“You do. Everyday.”

“D’you know what they’re calling you now?” Dan giggles. “CapitalLester.” He giggles some more. “Get it? Because Capi…”

“...Yes I get it Dan. It’s all very funny. I just hope you’ll find it as funny when I end up footing the whole cost of our house because you spend all your money on Dolce and Gabowow and end up poor.” Phil says. “Please Mister Phil, please let me stay in your big capitalist house. It’s so cold outside. Kanye won’t keep me warm anymore.” Phil says in high pitched voice, complete with exaggerated praying gestures.

Dan buries his head in Phil’s neck and laughs.

When he has calmed down a little and is able to breathe again, he kisses Phil’s neck.

“Well then, maybe you should use your big capitalistic inclinations and get me what I want.” He mumbles into Phil’s neck.

“What do you mean?”

“Accessorizing is only one of my kinks, you know. Just saying.” He smirks.

“You’re incorrigible, you know that?” 

“You love me.” He kisses Phil. Phil hums against his lips in response.

He lets Dan manhandle him into a horizontal position on the couch and enjoys one of the best blow jobs Dan’s ever given him for the next ten minutes.

He just hopes it makes up for the ginormous blow his bank account is going to suffer.

*

The hoop is platinum with six small diamonds going around the outside of the ring. The diamonds go smaller as you go up towards the joint. More importantly, it’s magnetic and carries no danger of an accidental bloodbath. It’s very elegant and very Dan and very expensive.

Phil hesitates at the price for a second before he rolls his eyes and proceeds to check out.

He looks at Dan, snoring slightly with his arm thrown over his head. He’s frowning in his sleep. Phil reaches over and gently smoothes the crease between his brows. Dan startles, it looks like he’s woken up but he just grabs Phil’s hand, nuzzles into it and goes right back to sleep, with a slight curve to his lips this time.

Phil’s heart suddenly feels very full. He puts his laptop away, tugs Dan closer, buries his head into his floofly curls and tries to will himself to sleep. The weight and warmth of Dan in his arms is grounding and the sound of his slight snoring calms him down. He hadn’t realised how stressed he’d been about the tour and the rest of their future. He realises that none of that actually matters as long as he has Dan in his arms. Sure, financial stability is good stress reliever, especially with their careers being so tumultuous, but he’d give all of that up in a heartbeat for Dan. Not that he’d ever have to, but he would. The realisation brings a strange sense of lightness to him, and he falls asleep dreaming of jewelled eggs rolling on hardwood floors.

*

Dan ends up taking a selfie wearing the hoop in his right ear, posting it on on instagram and going radio silent for the rest of the day. There are riots all over social media, tearing his actions apart, analysing his pose, his expression, his intentions.

He doesn’t give a fuck.

He’s too busy showing his appreciation to Phil for helping him with his kink.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [alittledizzy](http://alittledizzy.tumblr.com/) for beta reading this fic.  
> [link to fic on tumblr](https://megiaolf.tumblr.com/post/170207151569/title-you-like-the-finer-things-all-my-money-can)  
> 


End file.
